Bride, groom shouldn't advertise for gifts

Misty, this is an often asked question, and one that I have answered many times before. With our basic rules of society changing so fast, I understand it is hard to keep up with what is appropriate and what isn't. All that said, let's look at what is and isn't OK.

Basically, the bride and groom are never to appear as if asking for gifts. It has always and still does look greedy on the part of the bride and groom to "ask" for gifts. What this means is that even telling guests where you are registered, is saying to them that you expect a gift.

Now, we all understand that when invited to a wedding, it is customary to take a gift. But hopefully we are not doing this out of requirement. Giving a gift to a new bride should be out of joy and excitement for her.

The original idea was to help each new bride stock her kitchen, as she had probably lived at home prior to this time and did not have much. Obviously, most brides in 2009 have been on their own for some time and don't need much to set up basic housekeeping. Regardless, it is customary to give a gift each time we are invited to a wedding.

So, if it is customary to take a gift, what is wrong with the bride letting us know what she wants? This is the essence of the debate.

If the bride registers and then includes that registry information with her wedding invitation, she does indeed look as if she is asking that guest to bring a gift. The wedding invitation is only that: an invitation to share in a celebration of love. The invitation is not the place to ask for anything other than the guest's presence....